By Anneliese Lawton
Is there anyone here afraid of having another baby?
I was. And I couldn’t even tell anyone about it – because I only realized I was afraid of having another baby when I was, well, pregnant with another baby.
I mean, what could I say? “Hey y’all, I’m pregnant. Yes, again. And yes, it’s a bit of a surprise. And yes, they’ll be close as crap in age. And yes, I don’t feel ready. But go big or go home, right?” *sob, sob, sob*
Actually, I guess I could’ve said that. But I didn’t. I kept those big ole feelings right to myself. Cuz real talk: the idea of two kids terrified me. Big time.
It was always the dream – a house full of babies, but when push came to shove – literally – I really didn’t think I could handle it.
Then I had my second son and I was right, it was hard.
The hardest part? My husband and I were no longer a team. It was divide and conquer. We didn’t stand over one baby holding hands adorably (we actually never did that). Instead, he took one baby, I took the other and we passed like ships in the long, sleepless night.
But, then, my kids grew up, just a little bit. I became more confident in mothering, just a tad. And I treated my depression, like a lot. And eventually, my husband and I figured out at the end of the day, we were still one united team.
As for my kids – my big kid started to sing to my little kid and little kid looks at his big brother like he owns the key to his heart.
They hug and wrestle and kiss each other good night, and their bond is quite honestly the most incredible thing I’ve ever had the privilege of witnessing.
They even convinced us this isn’t all that bad. That having more kids is actually kind of…fun.
So, two-and-a-half years later, we did it again. We welcomed a third baby.
And guys, I was scared.
Because everyone says three changes things.
Three is where it gets REALLY hard.
Well, we’re here now. We have three.
And want the down right real truth? Three has never felt so right. Three, for us, is the magic number.
Three has made our family complete.
Even more so, three has given me the opportunity to soak-up babyhood with the confidence I never had as a mother of one.
Because having only was kid – being a first time mom – that kicked my ever lovin’ behind.
As a mom of three, I give less craps then I used to, and sit in the yuck when I have to. I sleep when the baby sleeps, I let the dishes pile up – I GET IT NOW with three.
So, to those of you who are scared as poo to do it with two (or three, or even four) – you got this.
Moms, I’m telling you, YOU GOT THIS.
Whatever the case, whatever the cause, we pull up our maternity pants, tie-up our mom bun, and roll with those uterine wall punches.
And we do it all with love, even when it’s hard.
It’s okay to be scared.
It’s okay to hate it on the worst of days.
But one day, you’re gonna look up and see your little kid looking at his big bro adoringly, you’ll see your oldest son making silly faces at your baby girl, you’ll hear them howl over those inside jokes only they’ve come to understand and the only thing you’ll be afraid of, is that one day it’ll grow quiet and it’s all going to end.
Anneliese is a Canadian wife, mother of three, and writer. She has bylines in Motherly, Today’s Parent, Pregnant Chicken, and more.