This week I stretched a tight white tank top over my 6-month baby belly before bed. I casually walked into the bathroom where my husband, Evan, stood brushing his teeth. He glimpsed over at me and practically choked on his toothpaste. “OH MY GOD!” he exclaimed.
“What?” I asked, looking around frantically, what’s wrong!?” He stammered, wiping the toothpaste off his chin… “It’s just… you’re so…you’re really… you’re PREGNANT!’ He said it as if he was discovering this for the first time. If our twins weren’t sleeping in the next room, I would have shouted, “YEAH DUDE. I’M PREGNANT. I’VE BEEN PREGNANT FOR 6 MONTHS, THAT’S 24-WEEKS OF GROWING A HUMAN INSIDE OF MY BODY. 24-WEEKS FILLED WITH NAUSEA AND EXHAUSTION AND DISCOMFORT AND STRETCHMARKS AND BOOBS THAT ACHE AND PANTS THAT DON’T FIT AND PAIN AND FEAR AND ANXIETY AND… you didn’t even REALIZE THAT?”
Of course, he realized that I was pregnant. He is a great dad and a loving husband and we made the decision to have another baby together, but this is our SECOND pregnancy, and if that moment in the bathroom has taught me anything, it’s that NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT A SECOND PREGNANCY. Not even the people who are expecting the baby.
When I was pregnant with our twins, for 8-months, I WAS A GODDESS. I got foot rubs and home-cooked meals and god forbid I try to open a door or lift something by myself. Evan would swoop in, there to help – anything to protect his first babies and the extraordinary woman carrying them. Our entire lives were consumed by the pregnancy – we constantly wondered what our boys would look like, what they would be interested in, we talked endlessly about their names, we decorated their nursery and framed their ultrasounds and provided daily text updates to our family and friends. We had nothing else to live for but these little people growing inside of me.
Now, those little people are growing outside of me – and playing and fighting and crying and refusing to eat vegetables and destroying the house and causing general chaos at all times. Which means I have very little time to worry about the OTHER little person growing inside of me because, by comparison, that person is VERY low maintenance.
Even when I asked my doctor if I should try to avoid carrying my 3-year-olds or picking up their toys or straining to reach them in the bathtub, she said “oh no- you’re a mom, you can’t stop being a mom just because you’re pregnant!” Shame. I almost wish I could. But here I am, carrying a squirming 35 lb toddler at 6 months pregnant while drinking two cups of coffee a day and not doing anything close to prenatal yoga.
You see, it’s not just Evan who doesn’t really care about this second pregnancy, it’s me too – I am less rigid with the foods I eat and the caffeine I drink- I’ll have an occasional sip of wine and a smattering of soft cheeses. I haven’t shopped for baby clothes or thought about planning a shower or decorated a nursery or sung lullabies to my belly. I don’t even know what sized fruit this baby is – is it a mango or a pear today? I HAVE NO IDEA, I DIDN’T EVEN BOTHER TO PAY THE $3.99 FOR THE PREGNANCY APP. The other day, while cleaning out my purse- I pulled out baby wipes and granola bar wrappers and goldfish crackers only to discover my first ultrasound print-outs from this pregnancy, crumpled up and covered in crumbs at the bottom of my bag.
If that is not a metaphor for a second pregnancy, I don’t know what is. But as I slowly uncrumpled the photo and dusted off the crumbs and looked at the perfect little black and white profile of this perfect little baby inside of me, I somehow didn’t feel guilty. I felt reassured.
Just because I haven’t framed the ultrasound, or decorated the nursery, or done my pre-natal stretching, it doesn’t mean I love that baby any less. It means I know what that baby needs even more. It means I know my body and what it’s capable of and how I need to care for it this time. It means I feel prepared for what the baby will actually need when it arrives. It means I understand that this kid will be fine if it doesn’t have adorable pictures of baby animals framed above its crib on the day we bring it home.
Of course, I wish Evan would give me a few more foot-rubs, I wish my friends would check up on me more often, I wish I would make more time to think about names and clothes and decor… I wish I had the time or energy to care a little bit more about this second pregnancy.
But I’m too busy trying to be a good mom to the kids I have already, so I can bring this baby into a home filled with joy and humor and love and stability, and that, in and of itself, means I kind of do, really, TRULY care about this second pregnancy. More than anything on earth.
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Thank you for being here and sharing in this journey with me- I’ll be keeping you updated, right here at newmomwhodis.com, and in my newsletter (sign up HERE) on ALL THE THINGS, ALL ALONG THE WAY. I am so grateful for the love and support of this New Mom, Who Dis? Community and I can’t wait to do this whole New Mom thing all over again, with you by my side. xo jessi
Completely agree with this. I got pregnant sept 2019 after doing everything for IVF but I noticed the excitement wore off, we waited longer to tell people literally until we knew the sex which was 5 months along!
I was sick the entire time and yet family and friends barely checked in to even say hey are you ok!
I have one picture of me pregnant and it was about 5 min before heading out to the hospital and it is a pitiful picture. Horrible lighting and horrible expression but that’s what I have because I didn’t have the time and wasn’t comfortable to take a pregnancy photo!
Our baby came in with a ton of fear we had a bad few hours but she came and after a few days in the ICU came home during the pandemic!
You see all these videos online of family and friends at least driving by to see the baby etc but very few family and NO friends bothered. (I have a lot less friends now and I’m happy with my decision)
The second baby we knew what we needed, what she would need and we didn’t ask for anything else. The kids are loved and what I was expecting of people around us I just put aside and get that love from my immediate family.
Your doing amazing just enjoy it for the next few months.
It goes far too quick
I agree with this, nobody cared about my 2nd or 3rd pregnancy. They just figured; “been there done that you got this.” But I just had my 3rd baby and the support and outpouring of love is huge. Feeling really grateful. ❤️
100%! Just had second in December and because we were quarantined, both working from home and trying to take care of a 3 year old it was almost like it wasn’t even happening. Poor kid didn’t even have a name picked out. As a second child myself it makes me feel a little bad 😄
NO NO! You did your best and you ARE DOING your best! I’m a second child too and i’m like NOW I GET IT… ha! xo
Thank you for sharing this! Just had my second on February 10 and felt a bit of guilt that I didn’t do weekly bump pics, prenatal yoga and have indulged in a wheel or two of Brie along the way! Good news, he still came out perfect ❤️
Just wait til your delivery, totally different treatment as well!
Ohhhh this is truth!!!! I’m due in 10 days and havent packed a hospital bag or done the nursery. What I do have, is a bunch of handmedowns and not enough sleep to realize how unprepared I am. Ahhh at least no one else seems concerned… right!? I Also am a second child and feeling like I finally gettttttt it!
I spent almost my entire (well at least showing) pregnancy in quarantine.. people better care about my second when it happens 😂 I didn’t have a shower or have anyone really see my pregnant. It’s like it didn’t even happen!
ugh. I know. I feel you SO MUCH. I’m going to write about pandemic pregnant life next!
This!! Just had my second 2 weeks ago and lived every word of this post. Thank you. Yet to be determined if the deli meats affected his chances at college but so far it appears little harm was done.
omg THIS. LOL
Omg so true! I feel all of those things currently 7 months pregnant with my second! I forget that I’m pregnant most of the time and then also the opposite, where I think about omg how will I do this with two kids , let alone with just the one I currently have! Thanks for sharing 🙂 This summarized it all so well!
Love this so much! Wait until you are in the hospital after delivery. The nurses won’t even bother to check on you because they know you’ve got this. To be honest it’s much nicer the second time around because you are confident and you do know what your doing and the pregnancy goes by so much faster because you aren’t measuring your fetus against every fruit known to man at each and every second of the day. You don’t got time for that shit! Tiny people NEED you every waking moment of every single day! My third was the easiest baby I had. She slept wherever we lay her down. A box, the floor, her car seat for hours. I didn’t have the time to dedicate my every moment to her. She was content on her own and knew that I would get to her when her brother and sister we done terrorizing me. When she cried I knew that the world was not going to self destruct if I didn’t get to her the millisecond she made a sound. You will see that you and this baby will be way more chill.
ahahah I LOVE THIS. thank you
Thank you for writing this! I have a 6 month and a two year old. With my second pregnancy I didnt watch the weekly whattoexpect videos, I didnt eat all organic veg, and I drank ice coffees. My two year made me carry him all the time. I had no time to think about baby but yes hes the sweetest most patient baby, unlike his brother who is holding us his parents hostage as a two year old lol. They are both amazing. Congratulations and thank you for this made me feel better that I wasnt the only one going through this. Thank you!
My second (viable) pregnancy was twins. Basically I slept on the couch and held my son’s hand while he watched TV. There are kids SHOWS that I can’t hear the theme song to, or watch with my kids because I am so reminded of puking. My life revolved around sleeping, eating, throwing up, and making sure my son knew I was still there with him.
Congrats on your pregnancy. It’s so so different. But hey, apparently going from twins to a singleton is a lot easier! Singleton to twins was crazy!
I had my 4th in December……he has a corner of our room for his crib and a bassinet in the living room….my first had a full nursery ready 2 months before the due date…..priorities!
I feel this soo much momma!
I’m 22wks with my second/third boy, I never really got the “first” I became a step mom to a beautiful 2yr old boy first. Full time mom in charge of keeping him alive every other week. Then two years later had my first biological boy. Now I have a 5yr old, 1.5yr old and solo parent three weeks a month plus work 4 days a week as an RMT. I notice I just don’t care to wait for people to care this time, I’m far to busy and it easier to just get it done. All the love to your new boo!