Announcing a pregnancy should be exciting. If you made the choice to have a baby, and that baby is healthy and growing inside of you, why wouldn’t you want to share that bliss with the world!? Shout it from the rooftops!? Spread your joy and happiness with a post of your ultrasound, or a picture of tiny booties or an ethereal bump shot? This should be the best news you’ve ever shared. And yet for me, sharing the news about THIS pregnancy, has been the scariest.
For 3 years, my husband Evan and I have been agonizing about whether or not to have another baby. On the one hand, we both come from households with two kids- that’s what I know and that’s what I’d imagined for myself. A career, a loving husband, two perfect kids. Done. In my view, anything beyond two offspring and you’re basically The Duggars.
Then, out of nowhere, we had twins. Identical twin boys. And as lucky as I feel to have Rio and Dray, they really screwed up my plans. Sure they are two individual people, but they have the same DNA and virtually the same face. It’s a flawless face, it’s an adorable face, but is it greedy to admit that we kind of wanted a shot at another face?
As more of my friends started to get pregnant with their second child, I started to feel oddly jealous. I wanted that- after the colossal challenge of having twins, I wanted to experience a “normal pregnancy” for the first time, I wanted to have a newborn again, I wanted to give my boys the gift of a sibling. And as my Uncle Howie once told me while surrounded by his 4 kids and 9 grandkids, “no one regrets having more kids, that’s what life is all about.” And so, Evan and I finally made the confident decision to GO FOR IT. And suddenly, I was pregnant and instantly I WAS TERRIFIED.
You don’t know how you’ll really feel about something until you do it. But most things, you can undo. Not this. Not now. This was a decision we had made, that was GROWING IN MY BODY. And so, instead of celebrating it, I decided to cover it up, to pretend it wasn’t happening, to hide it from the world. And if a global pandemic is good for anything, it’s HIDING A PREGNANCY.
I didn’t tell my family, I didn’t tell my friends, I didn’t pose with my pregnancy test on Instagram, I lay in bed, refusing to speak to Evan, in a month-long state of pure panic.
WHAT. HAD. WE. DONE.
“Maybe you’ll feel better after the ultrasound?” Evan suggested, “once we know it’s not twins?” he paused, then said quietly under his breath… “please god don’t let it be twins.” My doctor confirmed that it was, thankfully, not twins. But even that didn’t make me feel better. My entire being was overcome with doubts and fears that were more dizzying than the nausea.
How would I care for this baby? How would my boys react? How would we make space in the house? How would I squeeze-in three car seats? How would this alter our family? How would this change people’s perceptions of me? And most worrisome, how could I possibly continue to have a career with THREE KIDS? As flawed as my thinking might have been, in my mind, a mom of two was a “working mom”, a mom of three was a TLC reality show.
I was so afraid of being written off, of being judged- judged by my friends who know we can barely handle our twins, judged by my followers who might think this is some kind of convenient promo for New Mom, Who Dis? and judged by complete strangers who could easily dismiss me as just a mom, and nothing more.
As the weeks passed, my doubts and fears got tucked away with my growing belly, hidden under oversized hoodies, cropped out of tightly framed live shows and stuffed uncomfortably into skinny jeans.
Until one day, around 18 weeks, the top button on my jeans popped right off. This baby had no respect for my pants and no time for my angst. This baby was no longer content to hide under baggy sweatshirts and below the frame of zoom calls. This baby didn’t want to be lied about or ignored. This baby was not just a ‘plus sign’ on a pregnancy test, a ‘third kid’, a ‘new face’, this baby was GROWING. Into an undeniable baby bump, a physical reminder that he or she was coming, whether I was ready or not.
For the first time in 18 weeks, I stopped thinking of this pregnancy as something scary, or inconvenient or life-altering, I started to think of it as exactly what it was; a person. A tiny human who would melt my soul with her soft skin, her warm embrace, her tiny fingers, her sweet smell. A little boy or girl who would fill our home with laughter, and fill my heart with love that I didn’t know I had left to give.
In a matter of months, this baby will become a part of me that I cannot live without, and that is something that deserves to be shouted from the rooftops- no matter the level of chaos it brings, the time I don’t have, the looks I might get, the change it might cause, the minivan I might drive- this baby is worth it.
I finally told my family and my friends, I shed the sweatshirts and bought maternity jeans, and today, I’m proudly announcing that yes, I AM PREGNANT WITH MY THIRD CHILD and YES THIS IS CRAZY and YES I AM TERRIFIED but i’m also so grateful and so excited and so ready to finally celebrate this very special (and very final) baby with all of you. Because frankly, he or she deserves it.
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Thank you for being here and sharing in this journey with me- I’ll be keeping you updated, right here at newmomwhodis.com, on ALL THE THINGS, ALL ALONG THE WAY – the baby’s sex, the baby’s due date, my boys reaction, pandemic pregnancy, maternity style, hair loss, weight gain… EVERYTHING. I am so grateful for the love and support of this New Mom, Who Dis? Community and I can’t wait to do this whole New Mom thing all over again, with you by my side. xo jessi
I am so excited for you! I love that you show an honest look of being a parent and I have no doubt you will kill it being the best mom to your new baby. Congratulations 🥳👏 enjoy it!
THANK YOU THANK YOU xo jessi
Congrats, Jessi!!! It will be so lovely to see your boys become big brothers 🥰 be warned, though, once baby is here, they truly will be “big” and you’ll wonder how they got so big and old overnight! It’s heartbreaking and heartwarming all at once (although isn’t that true of mamahood in general?). So happy for you!!!
Thank YOU! I know- I have so much fear around how my boys will do with it, and I’m trying to enjoy every moment with just the two of them! xo jessi
Congratulations !! You can do it all, and I know it! Can’t wait to see more about your new baby !
It is true, you will never regret more kids. After suffering a loss (our daughter) with my first twin pregnancy we also did the “please don’t be twins” to get another set of boy/girl twins. Life is crazy, amazing and full of love and we look at each other and thank whatever higher power thought giving us 2 sets of Boy/girl twins was funny – we are so grateful for what we have. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy!❤️
Oh WOW. Yes the universe has a funny way of doing that! Thank you for these kind words. xo jessi
This is so exciting! We called it quits after I had my twin boys (also identical, they’re a few weeks younger than Rio and Dray and you’ve pretty much been my twin mom goals since I found out there were two!). Part of me sort of wishes for one more though…
Can’t wait to see what little miss or mister will look like and to see how the boys react. Congratulations!!
Girl, SAME. I loved this post. I just welcomed our third baby in November. He was a happy surprise and I spent the first month with so many of the thoughts that you mentioned just dominating my life until one day something changed and I was able to just let it go and see the positives. Let me tell you, I already cannot imagine our family without him! Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy and can’t wait to follow along! ❤
As a mom of 5 year old identical twin girls and a 2 year old baby boy, I can tell you that we are over the moon happy that we had a third! Is it crazy, chaotic and do I drive a mini-van? Yes. But did I get to enjoy (and still enjoy) SO many things that you miss out on with twins and in a lot of cases don’t even realize that you missed out on until you have your third? Absolutely! Congrats!
Congratulations! Totally normal to freak out. I had a lot of worries about my first born when I had my 2nd. Everything will work out and be great. Now 4 kids deep (and waiting on that reality show) all those worries are long gone. Your going to do great.
4 kids you are a goddess!
I’m so excited for you!!!
As chaotic as you think your life with twins is, I’ve watched you (for years before I had the courage to get pregnant!) and looked up to you. Now with our first on the way, I can’t wait to go through all of it, with you! I love that you share real-ness of all this. I also had a hard time accepting our PLANNED pregnancy because I’ve always been petrified of giving birth. But also, working from home is amazing for hiding it for as long as I could! Once the non-stop barfing was over (this is the part where I kept thinking, WTF did we do?), things have been great, we are so excited and thrilled to have this little one in our arms.
Happy bump-growing and can’t wait to watch your journey!!
aww kerry I love this! thank you! I am so touched and SO excited FOR YOU!
That is sooo amazing! Congratulations to you all! I had two boys (now 25 & 30) & I to this day regret not having a third! I am so pleased for you and can’t wait to see it all enfold!
We had a singleton and THEN twins – and you know what? The twins felt like a BREEZE compared to the first one. You’ll be able to raise this one with your eyes shut (but seriously, don’t do that)! Thanks for that honest portrayal of feelings people have… In a world where the 1 acceptable feeling when you are pregnant is “I’m thrilled and feel complete!” you’re breaking the mold for the 99% of other emotions humans feel. Huge respect (and, you’ll do great!)
hahahah
CONGRATS!! As a twin mama to 18 month olds I always joke that if I were to get pregnant again I would live in a state of anxious paralysis for AT LEAST a month or until that first ultrasound when I could confirm it was only One baby! Can’t wait to see you keepin’ it real as a mom of three! That’s one lucky baby <3
this comment made me cry? hormones??? but thank you.
Congratulations! So incredibly happy for you. Being a twin mom with the plus one after is amazing! You will think having twins was a breeze compared to focusing on just one baby. Not to say it doesn’t come with challenges of going from one on one to zone parenting with now being outnumbered by kids; but it’s such an amazing and crazy time! Wishing you all the best for a safe and healthy pregnancy and look forward to following your adventures along the way! Thank you for sharing so much of yourself and family with us!
Congratulations! We had a surprise 3rd and I was terrified. I was dreading how sick I was going to get and I was terrified that I wouldn’t love him or her as much as my other two because this was a total surprise. Fast forward 6 years later and I love his face so much and am forever grateful that he’s mine.
Thank you for this. The honesty is beautiful. I felt this terror with my 1st pregnancy. I hide my pregnancy for 16 weeks from our family and was grumpy and sad about it. It was not the experience I imagined. Along with it I felt guilt as I choose to get pregnant and didn’t regret that I was. My baby was definitely wanted but during the pregnancy I didn’t feel the joy that I expected I would. I still have moments where I feel guilty about my feelings while pregnant with my beautiful girl and she is now 11. I can not fully explain my feelings and emotions during that time but I know for sure the beautiful girl that came out of that experience was so worth it. I am so happy you were able to find the joy and still have time to enjoy the pregnancy journey. ❤️
Could not relate more to this.. identical twin boys..and then a single… (now 7 month girl) the panic of getting pregnant and thinking what had we done and how would I care for this baby when my babies were still babies… so so grateful she’s here and to see my twins be big brothers.
oh this makes me so happy! and hopeful! thank you!
Huge congrats Jessie!! I wanted to guess this as your surprise so badly but I didn’t want to be that person lol!! But I knew it, so exciting!! Happy for you that you got the singleton pregnancy you wanted to experience 🙌💕🎉
Congratulations!
I have two sets of di-di fraternal twins and life is chaotic, but amazing.
Congrats!! And thanks for being so real! You just put my exact feelings about having three kids into words. I have two kids, come from a family of two kids and feel like having three kids will put us in the realm of a TLC show… But we’re trying for a third! And I fully anticipate melting into a puddle of panic and shock for a few months if we succeed. But I also think it’s going to be pretty cool. Congrats again and sending love!
My first is the same age as yours, just had my second in December and I’m shocked at how much I wanted a third as soon as I got home with #2. The feeling has faded a bit and I’m old so I don’t think it’s in the cards for me.
I told my doctor my age and she said I was the MEDIAN AGE PREGNANT WOMAN in LA. I’ve never felt younger!
Congratulations!! I really struggled with announcing my fourth child. It was somehow embarrassing to admit. I think I finally told my family and friends when I was 20 weeks and half them were like “finally…we’ve known for months!” Lol. I have no regrets that’s for sure. She’s the greatest and I couldn’t imagine our family without her. I do still get looks when we’re in public and I have 4 little kids following me around, but I choose to think they’re looks of admiration rather than disapproval. You’re going to rock this and your boys will be great big brothers. You’ll just have more love in your home!
I totally agree- I have felt that ’embarassment’ for quite some time… but it’s amazing to hear that you have moved past it and have no regrets! thank you. xo
Congratulations, Jessi!! I read your story and it certainly brings back memories. I too held onto our pregnancy news with both pregnancies until about 5 months along. I felt very protective and experienced anxiety…afraid of miscarriage and feeling bad in response to a few odd reactions to our news from extended family (which also put a damper on my personal excitement.) I really regret feeling this way now.
The pandemic made it nearly impossible to get into excited mode and we are still struggling to share our sweet baby boy and toddler girl given lockdown restrictions.
All this to say…your feelings are real and valid. I hope you have a healthy and happy pregnancy from here on out. Your boys will love being big brothers. You got this!
thank you kim- yes, I am going to write about the pandemic- because it truly is a mindf*ck when you are pregnant or have a new baby, it almost forces you to hide it from the world? xo
oh how fabulous fantastic news congratulations !!!! So happy for you.
Wow congrats! We’ve been contemplating having a third as well and everything you mentioned about being judged and being terrified is exactly what has prevented us from going for it. BUT, I love the idea of a bigger family, and just simply love my family, so why not! Thanks so much for writing this!
omg if you get pregnant after reading this column you must name the baby JESSI
Congratulations!! Reading this made me feel like I wasn’t alone, I too am pregnant with my second and haven’t announced it yet, out of fear mostly! So thank you for sharing. I hope in the coming weeks I’ll get out of my head and share my exciting news too! Can’t wait to read about your journey, all the best to you and your fam xoxo
yes yes yes! good luck to you. xo
Congrats! Everything you wrote about your feelings around this pregnancy are exactly how I felt but was embarrassed to say so since we are supposed to be “over the moon” but now, hearing you be honest and open I hope that other women out there feeling the same roller coaster of emotions, fears, doubts, joys and excitement can be honest and open too! Thanks for always keeping it super real! Congrats Momma! Can’t wait for all the updates and the photos!!!!
Im so happy you can relate. I know I’m supposed to be ‘excited’ and ‘overjoyed’ but I just couldn’t fake that you know? Feeling more happy and overjoyed every day now… xo
I also have 3year identical twin boys and you have taken all the words out of my mouth with how I feel about having a third, but here we are trying to conceive. Thank you for being so honest with your entire journey with motherhood.
Thank you for sharing. I am 11 weeks pregnant with my third and more anxious than with either of my other 2. Knowing that other people have these same feelings is comforting.
congratulations! were in this madness together. xo
Congrats!!!! So excited for you and your family! A new baby is such a blessing and your uncle is a genius. You never regret such a good thing. If you can tackle twins one baby will be a breeze! Enjoy every moment 🙂
He is, he really is. xo
Congratulations To you and your family Jessi. The pandemic has caused everyone to look act and react to things so differently. You are a strong woman that is helping many new mothers to be that being scared is ok!! I wish you good health for you and your baby. God Bless.
Great news, Jessi.
Congratulations Jessi 😊 Its so exciting! I love your show and how honest and real it is 🙂 you are going to be a fantastic mother to all three kids 🙂
thank you jen! xo
Congratulations! You’ve got this! Your perspective is perfect.
Yes! I relate to this post so much! I’m expecting our third baby as well and it was a total oops! We have two beautiful and healthy girls and had decided we were done. I just accepted a new job and two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. To say I was terrified is an understatement. I didn’t want to announce my pregnancy. I avoided seeing people, not too hard to do during a pandemic and when I did go out made sure to hide my growing belly. The thought of the comments about number three made my eyes well up with tears. The endless loop going through my head of “What have we done?” “How is this going to work?” “Where will the new baby go in our house?” “How will the girls react?” has kept me awake many many nights. I’m now 27 weeks and have adjusted to the idea and look forward to meeting this little one, but yet, I still haven’t told everyone because the fear of judgement from others for accepting a new job and becoming pregnant right away paralyzes me with fear.
oh Caitlin- we’re in this together! I decided to announce this today, in hopes that I would start feeling less fear and more happiness and excitement. It’s oddly isolating to be pregnant during a pandemic- you don’t have to share it, you don’t get the praise and congratulations that often help to wrap your head around everything- it’s so strange. I am with you all the way through this! xo jessi
I have some of these anxieties (especially the career bit, that hit me hard) when I think about STARTING a family so I can totally see how adding to your family would cause the same type of worries. Thanks for sharing, and take care. Congratulations. ❤️
yes. it’s a real thing. not just can I handle it, but how will people’s perceptions of me change? that is what I am always most afraid of… because YOU can do both- have a career and be a mom, you CAN! But you can’t control what other people think!? xo
Congratulations! It is such a nerve wracking thing to go through but it is so worth it! We have 2 1/2 year old twin girls and just had our third (and final) daughter in November. It’s an adjustment and Hailey is still called “it” more often than not by her big sisters (“put IT down!!”). But they are starting to help and play with her and it is awesome to see.
OMG that is amazing to hear, I need to hear from more twin moms with a third! The first person I called when I found out I was pregnant was my friend who has twins and a third baby- it’s such a unique thing. Thank you for sharing Bre. xo
This is so amazing Jessi! First of all, let me just acknowledge your feelings about this because they are all so valid and normal. I remember having some of these feelings with my second pregnancy even though I only had one child. Like, can I handle this? Is it fair to my son? Is it even possible for me to love another baby as much as I love him? Of course, the answers were yes, yes, and hell yes. Now I don’t have three, but I have plenty of friends with three kids, and as a nanny I took care of three siblings for a couple years. And while I know now that the experience of a nanny is very different from the experience of a mother, I worked long hours and I can tell you that three is definitely manageable. And fun. Sure, going from two to theee kids is an adjustment, but once you find your groove it is really pretty awesome. And by the way, three is a completely reasonable and respectable number of children! I would totally go for a third (and another shot at a girl) ig I wasn’t older and didn’t hate the idea of being pregnant again. Two pregnancies was enough for me, thank you very much!
Also, I remember that with both of my pregnancies, I had a hard timing connecting emotionally with the baby in the beginning. I understood what was happening intellectually, and I took care of myself to make sure the baby got everything he needed. But it wasn’t until I got closer to that 20 week mark that it all started to feel very week, and I started to feel very bonded to this little person growing inside me.
One more thing – even though we only have two, we decided to get a minivan for all the extra space (road trips, visiting grandparents, etc), and although the pandemic has limited our use of it so far, we have no regrets. We have a Honda Oddysey and love it. But of course, there are seats that fit three across, so you don’t need to go the minivan route if you don’t want to. And you know you can always talk to me about any of these things and I’m happy to share my thoughts. As always, thank you for sharing your experiences! We live ypu guys and are so excited to see your family grow! ❤️
Thank you for sharing this Beth! I feel so comforted to know that I am not alone in my second pregnancy fears. And I can’t believe you just casually recommended a mini van. But HERE WE ARE. xo jessi
Congratulations! Wishing you all a healthy and wonderful pregnancy. You articulated exactly how I felt a year ago when we had a 2 year old and got pregnant with twins. There’s a grieving process for what you thought life/your family would be like (I also thought more than 2 kids meant Dugger territory). 6 months in and my twins are healthy and my now 3 year old loves being a big sister. We’re figuring out how to be a family of 5 but it’s a hard pass on the minivan.
You’ve got this Jessi! I’m a mom of 3 and still rocking and loving my dream career. Your heart gets bigger, your wheelhouse gets larger, your ability to roll with whatever your chaotic life bring gets more chill. It’s a ride. And as I look around at my friends and their families, it seems 3 kids is the new 2. I love the different relationship dynamics my kids have made amongst each other. My surprise #3 has turned into the complete family ❤️ Congratulations.
You are amazing Jessi! I’m so happy you were honest because I was feeling the same way with my son when I was pregnant. A ofcourse he is the absolute love of my life.
Some wise person one time said ….if you weren’t nervous….then I would be worried….because it would mean you didnt care.
Also this will totally make you feel better….Nick Carter’s wife just announced that she is pregnant with her 3rd and around the same time as you!!!!!! Xoxx
Congratulations!! I am so thrilled for you. I love the quote from your uncle – we have two boys (not twins!) and I really want a third baby, as “inconvenient” and overwhelming as it will be. Now, to convince my husband… (also an Evan!) Congrats again! I’m looking forward to following along! <3
I related to this so hard. Going to 3 was the most terrifying thing. I currently have an almost 4 year old, a 2 and a half year old and a 5 month old and it gets crazy but I honestly wouldn’t change it now……your uncle is a very wise man. At the end no one regrets having more kids. Been following all your journeys since the hills after show days, thank you for continuing to share your life xoxo
Jessi – You have totally captured my heart in this post and thank you for posting. I had twins Christmas 2018 and all I want is a normal pregnancy and a normal newborn stage. One where I can wear my ONLY baby around the house all day long and go out and be social (I mean thanks pandemic – get out of here) without having a break down and crying with two tiny babies who are also crying because I just don’t have enough hands and arms to carry them both. It’s like I want to erase all the doubt and trauma that came with becoming a first time mom to TWO babies at the same time, and give myself a re-do and acknowledge that yes, I am a great mom, and if I only had one to start with – I would have felt powerful instead of overwhelmed. Anyway – you’re going to rock it and I’ll be following along handing out all the encouragement because you were so brave to pull the trigger on your wants.
-xx-
This is awesome news!
I completely understand the fear of judgement and the fear of losing yourself.
My husband and I are currently pregnant with our 4th baby. We have 3. We decided to go for the 4th and “see what happens”. Some family and friends have been very supportive, some… Not so much, but they also were not supportive of child 1,2 or 3. So whatever, right?
We haven’t made any public posts about the baby, we have only told close family and friends. The pandemic has made it very easy to hide a pregnancy. At least until my current 34, almost 35 weeks.
I am the oldest of 6, my husband is the middle of 3, chaos is where we thrive apparently. We are SO happy that we tried for one more baby. This one is our little girl! Not that we would have loved a boy any less, but still, after 3 boys, we are all excited for a girl.
I have always said that you should do what you think is best for you and your family, don’t let anyone else make you think any different. My mom always said that babies are always a good thing, it’s a new beginning. And my grandfather always said, there is never a perfect time for a baby, if you wait for the perfect time, you could be waiting forever, you have your family when it feels right to you.
There are days where look in the mirror, or to my husband and say, “what the hell were we thinking”, and it can be so hard some days, but you will look at your kids face and know it was the right choice.
Congratulations on this new baby. You are an awesome mom, and I loved following your journey!
I let out a little excited scream when I read this. I met you back in 2013 when you spoke at the University of Windsor during my frosh week. A couple weeks ago I was scrolling through your insta and was thinking about how I wish you and Evan would have another baby because your boys are too cute and why not have more cute babies! Congrats Jessi!
Congratulations!
I felt very similar when I got pregnant with our second child. My husband and I had decided to have another and then when I got pregnant (at the start of the pandemic here in Canada) I was terrified and didn’t want to tell anyone. We waited 4 months before telling any family and I tried to hid my growing belly until I had bust the zipper on EVERY pair of jeans that I had. Now I have another beautiful baby and I’m exhausted and so in love. And seeing my 2 boys interacting melts my heart every time.
I had the same feelings when we found out we were pregnant again. It’s a learning curve no doubt but I do t regret it for a second! Some days are tough but seeing our little guy (about the same age as your boys) dote on his little sister and watching them interact, it’s pretty awesome!
Huge congrats! Hope you’re feeling good!
Your point of view is so refreshing, you’re a beautiful human and your boys (+ little babe growing) are lucky to call you Mom.
I feel as excited for you as I was for my own sister! ❤️
Congratulations, you sure do make a beautiful mama
Congrats to you and your growing family!!! I love reading your HONEST yet funny take on wanting to be pregnant yet terrified of being pregnant!!
You will continue to be funny, honest, open and truthful about it all!!😁
Waiting to see more content!!😊
I feel similar in terms of feeling judged when we likely will go for our 3rd ! So many of my friends who I see as being better suited than me and decided on just two kids and who feel they didn’t want or couldn’t handle 3 … I am like who am I to go for 3. But I know I will regret not going for something out of fear when I know so much more amazing will come from it!
Omg! I feel like you went into my head and wrote out all the thoughts and feelings I had about deciding, and being pregnant, with our third after my identical twin boys (and it’s another boy, 6months old now!). Thank you for writing this. I felt so guilty for feeling this way after finding out we were pregnant again (even though it’s what I wanted!), and had the same stresses and fears. Then as I grew bigger, I started to feel at peace with our decision. Now that he is here, I couldn’t imagine life without him. My twins, now 3.5, accepted him with open arms and are so loving and caring towards him. My scariest decision became the best decision I ever made. Wishing you a very healthy pregnancy!
this makes me feel so much better, the identical twin thing is such a unique challenge. Im so glad your little one has been such a blessing!
Thank you SO much for sharing this! I have followed you for years and my only son is close in age to your boys and I have been contemplating another for so long and having the same fears. It’s so normal and yet no one talks about it so thank you for always “going there”!
P.S- you’re going to do great!