Tik Tok for Dummies

New Mom, Who Dis? Season 3, Episode 3

Hi, I’m Jessi and this episode is dedicated to anyone who doesn’t understand the world’s hottest social media app: TikTok.  If you’re one of those people, congratulations, we’re OLD! Let’s be old together.

I just don’t get it- I don’t get the dances or the lip-syncing, the ‘skits’ or the For You page, but I also can’t escape it. So, on this episode of New Mom, Who Dis? I present: TikTok for Dummies. (spoiler alert: I’m the DUMMY).

I gather the most esteemed experts on the internet – none of them over the age of 14 – to help me understand WHAT THE F*%$ is TikTok?

According to 13-year-old @ana_n_m0riss, TikTok is a social media app where you can do “different videos….to like songs.”

Mmmmkay. That’s a start… 

From what I gather through my in-depth research, Tik Tok is a social media app where you can create 15-60 second videos of everything from hair tutorials to cheerleading, or parkour – I mean, when am I NOT doing parkour? 

While there are A LOT of teens on the app – the app is supposedly for everyone. Though Ana adds, “adults on the app would be “really weird”. 

Thank you, Ana. 

(Just to specify, according to Ana, anyone older than 20 is too old for Tik Tok, so I’ve JUST missed the cut-off). 

As I continue my journey into this foreign world, I learn that the only thing kids do these days, is Tik Tok. But for realsies. One of the teens said she spends FIFTEEN HOURS on the app A DAY. I literally have never spent 15-hours doing anything. Not even birthing twins. 

The teens also tell me the goal of the app is to gain “followers and views”. Unlike Instagram, which is “worthless”. 

If that doesn’t make you feel old, I introduce you to everyone’s favourite TikToker, Charli D’amelio.

D’amelioooooo. (Understand this reference? You’re too old for TikTok).

She has 58 MILLION FOLLOWERS. And there are other famous ‘TikTokers who live in a “HYPE HOUSE” – a house, where they just make TIK TOK VIDEOS. ALL. DAY.

I’m convinced I should at least TRY IT.  I do my best “SAVAGE” dance (as one does) and I give my expert panel the chance to review my VERY FIRST TikTok. They recommend I do the following:

  1. Be Less robotic. 

  2. Wear a good outfit – something “in style”.

  3. Fix hair so it’s not messy.

  4. Have a better background (apparently my childrens’ artwork doesn’t read “young” and “cool”).

I guess I just haven’t put in my 15-hours a day. Practice makes perfect! See you on TikTok?