New Mom, Who Dis? Season 2, Episode 12
I once told a Hollywood Agent I was pregnant with twins. “Twins!” she said, “You’re birthing a GOLDMINE!” I had never thought about it quite like that, though she wasn’t wrong – all identical twins have the potential to be the next Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. So, before I launch Rio & Dray into stardom, I need to explore their FULL acting potential. That’s why on this episode of New Mom, Who Dis? I hire Kim Hopkins, a ‘child acting coach’… that I found on Yelp.
Kim has worked with dozens of child actors and actresses. She’s even been on a set with *drumroll* the OLSEN TWINS.
I’ll hold for your applause.
Can she help my 2 year olds win their first Oscar? Can MY twins be THE twins of the twenty-first century? We hit the stage to find out if they have ‘it’.
What exactly is ‘it’, you ask? Let me lay it out for you, according to Kim:
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Your child must be adorable…and if they’re not adorable, ‘quirky’ will work.
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Your child MUST have a great attention span… even at 2 years old.
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Your child must be able to “play the camera” – aka they have to channel the emotions REQUESTED of them towards the camera.
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Your child has to dress up. Yes, wearing wigs and costumes effortlessly, is required.
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Your child has to be able to SELL products, such as toothpaste – because all two-year-olds LOVE brushing their teeth.
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Your child doesn’t know how to read? TEACH THEM – table reads are a MUST.
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Lastly, your child must be able to rehearse without crying…unless otherwise directed.
NO PROBLEM, right? Wrong. As you can see, I was SO. VERY. WRONG. Turns out my boys DO NOT have what it takes to release 19 straight-to-VHS classics, or even perform one scene, from one of said classics. SIGH. I guess we’ll stick to swimming lessons.
Do you still think your child has what it takes to be a star? Would you EVER get them involved in showbusiness? Let me know in the comments!